Day 6: Be Vulnerable
Today is day 6 of the “Feel Good Blogging Challenge”. Well… it is 12 midnight, so I guess it was yesterday. Anywho, the task is to be vulnerable. I have been trying to decide what I want to be vulnerable about. My daughter is finally sleep, so I am ready to begin.
I have been thinking about this post, and I know that I don’t want to be vulnerable just for the sake of the assignment. The only reason for me to be vulnerable is to somehow help those who read my post. So, I’ve decided to talk about my struggle with depression.
It hit me the first time at the age of 12. A life changing event occurred and it took me on a roller coaster of emotions. I reached the point where all I wanted to do was sleep. I had no appetite I just wanted sleep.
My grandma, not knowing what to do, put me in therapy. I felt safe until my therapist began telling my grandma the things that I shared with her. I remember feeling betrayed. I did not want my grandma to know my thoughts. I did not feel comfortable having tough one on one conversations with her at that time. (It wasn’t grandma’s fault. We were just decades apart.)
Fast forward, I battled from the age of 12 and still do to this present day. It has been an up hill battle but, by the grace of God, I am still here. I really put my grandma through a lot during my teenage years. Although she told me that she was proud of me I know that it took a lot of prayer. Depression was and still is tough for me to express. As a child I was under the impression that it was impossible to be a Christian and be depressed. Talk about pressure!
Today I have learned to pray at the onset of depression. Sometimes it takes minutes to shake and sometimes hours, but I no longer allow it to take over me for days at a time. I have gotten better because I no longer rely on my own strength. It takes prayer, reading scripture, and simply put God’s strength.
If you struggle with depression know that you are not alone. I truly encourage you to rely on the Lord. Don’t run from it like I did for so many years. I thought I could escape it by sleeping but all that did was keep me from enjoying the beauty of life.
I am no longer running from depression when it comes my way. I realize that God made me and that with His help depression will no longer take over my life again.
I hope that this helped someone. Thanks for reading.